my im(i-m-)perfect life

I know no ones life is perfect,for this world is far from being utopian. But sometimes life tests us a bit too much,to see if we bend under the pressure or snap into two...

why is there a nagging voice within me, always asking me to do the "perfect" thing...why cant i sit back and let someone take over...? why do we have to face so many forks in our life...? Especially ones where the choice is hard to make, and even more particularly the ones where you are forced into a path where your heart doesnt want to go, but ur mind directs your legs to trod on...?

life is never perfect...then why am i trying to make it perfect...?

have I told you, im a true Saggitarian...

Identity crisis

How often have we proclaimed to ourselves in exasperation,"wish (s)he would understand me! " How often have we been victims of meaningless fights,born from a single root - misunderstandings ? How often have we regretted having fought with someone only cause we misunderstood her/him ?
sometimes i wonder if the reason why people misunderstand me if cause they'd like to understand me the way they want to...not withstanding who i really am...Or if people like to see only that in me which proves advantageous to them, and turn a blind eye to the rest in me...
True, you cant make everyone see who you really are, but is it naive to expect people who love you to know who you are? can you close your eyes and find atleast one among the many in your life,with whom you have never had a misunderstanding, someone who makes you feel like yourself, someone who feels like they are from within..?
But who is right about what i am? The people who see me from the outside? or I, who cannot see from within?
Is there someone who truly understands me...? I wonder...

crisis oh crisis :(

what is the worst thing that can happen on a wednesday afternoon?
your stomach is grumbling from hunger and the lunch in the mess is inedible. yup you heard me right, inedible...I-N-E-D-I-B-L-E
i proudly tell you that i can adjust to any type of food, but todays lunch exceeds all limits...how can someone eat mashed boiled potatoes,without salt and tossed about it mustard oil?? *yuck*
just another reason to crib about hostel life...i guess...
grrrrr....

left alone...

what do you do when the ones most close to you hurt u, n then leave u alone to bleed...do u go back to them askin them to heal u, for only they have the power to do so,risking the fact that they also have the power to tear apart your open wound...? or u do lie alone waiting for your inner self to help u out...even though u know that will take an eternity...
i dont have an eternity...i have a life...one life...

busy bee = me :((

when you dont have time to close your eyes, take a long deep breadth, and enjoy the feeling of being yourself, i believe you ve become old. well not exactly, i mean you ve become an adult ( but thats a synonym for old right :( ) so thats where ive been, busy growing old...while nature continues to watch, in all her glory...surprisingly im in a great mood today...the weather is just perfect, with a light cool breeze blowing...u can smell the moisture in the air...the clouds are just dark enough to hide the sun, but not dark enough to engulf the entire surroundings in eerie darkness...im sitting near the window, which looks out to pure greenery...branches with fresh green leaves arching over, which make you feel fresh too...why am i sounding so romantic today?!?! guess nature is an awesome healer...
*closes eyes, takes a deep breadth and...*
shit i gotta run, have an event now :( grrrrrr....

life...and some more...

quote " If God gave me a wish I'd erase you from my mind " unquote

Life is an epitome of balance...It is a concoction of good and bad, birth and death, joy and pain,love and hatred...Life is a cycle of change...constant change...It turns and tosses us around like a salad in the make...Sometimes there are other salad leaves at the bottom of the bowl to cushion our fall...but at times we land hard on the cold steel...
The painful experiences in my life are innumerable...But I consider myself lucky to possess such a weak memory that does not let me recount these experiences even if I wish to do so...Maybe this isnt a stroke of luck, maybe its life's way of balancing...
Of all the things I've been through, I find hatred the most difficult to digest...and maybe rightly so...for which of us sensitive homo sapiens can accept the fact,not even possibilty mind you, of someone hating us...who among us can bear the burden of hatred when it comes crushing down heavily on us? Which of us can stand tall when the winds of hatred blow against us...heated words of hatred spiralling round and round...like a tornado trying with all its might to uproot us from the solid ground...and the final blow is not when we see the storm approaching...but when we see the sky darkening from the side where we expected the sun to shine...
We do not choose to love or hate...but we choose to show our love or hatred...Is it such a difficult choice to make...?
What could I have possibly done to elicit such words from you...

dark days...

The night was young and fresh. The rising moon couldn't see her face. But her face wasnt important. she was sitting by the window, her face hidden in the darkness,cradled in the void between her hands,wrapped around her bent knees. It wasnt so much about the darkness, as it was about the void,the hole. she hugged herself as hard as she could,minimized her volume as much as she could, so that she may fit inside the tiny hole that she was trying to bury herself deep into. by hiding her face, she hid herself...

her hunter had been seeking her for days,for nights...the love around the girl had provided the necessary protection. but today, it was gone. the love cruelly withdrawn, she laid bare and vulnerable. and like a shark smelling blood, the hunter raced through the night to her victim.

she knew she had to stop crying, but she couldnt. and her weakness made her cry even more. the tears made her face heavy, as they slowly slid down her cheeks and then dropped graciously into the infinity...incoherent thoughts made her mind heavy...they fought cruel battles in her mind...

the night gasped at the hunter's evilness, and it resisted her, in the hopes of saving the girl. but the hunter was too powerful...too evil...she cut through the night with her sharp talons and fuelled by her hunger for the girl, she gained further momentum...

the girl cried out silently as her nails dug into her skin,tiny drops of blood surfaced...they begged her to stop and rebuild the protection with trust and hope, now that love was gone...the girl knew she should, but she couldnt...

the night had aged...the street lights had retired, the roads were deserted,even the trees stood silent...they all seemed to be aware of the hunters coming...

the girl was shivering, she had lost all control of her body...she couldnt make any sense of anything anymore...she dint even know why she was crying anymore...her throat had knotted,refusing to swallow or spit out...a huge stone had replaced her heart...she felt heavy yet empty...the curious moon finally saw her face, as she lifted it...she wanted to rip her hair off...the burning rage in her wanted to tear the curtains apart...her hands itched to break all that was within her sight...she lost all hope of ever returning as she finally faced her hunter...only one question escaped her mind...but never made it to her lips...why me...

pain had arrived...